She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
