So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize