The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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