Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
