I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
