Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize