You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
