i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
