Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
