dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
