Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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