i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
