My nipple is on Facebook.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
