be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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