His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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