i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
