Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
