So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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