Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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