She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize