Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
