can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
