So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
