so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
