i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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