I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
