if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
