dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
This baby is an asshole
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
