I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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