No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
