yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
