it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
