I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Sober January is a disaster.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
