I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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