he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
