the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
a search helicopter?!
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
