Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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