I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize