ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
