I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Randomize