Sponge bath it is.
the condom got lost in my hair
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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