And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
tonight lets celebrate not being married
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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