My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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