No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
