Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Couch. On fire.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
