guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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