I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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