Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she looked like the before picture.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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