Me too!
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
