found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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