I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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