I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
