If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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