I want to stick my p in your. b.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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