I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
