just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
