Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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