Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
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