my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
