Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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