Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
