Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
