unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
