My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
