I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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