you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize