you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
