So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Randomize
