I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
