wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
