Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
