Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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