the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
