the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
