I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
