even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
