Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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