As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I love you. Go after that dick
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
