im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He has the fingertips of a God
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