I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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