Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
