Michael Bay diarrhea
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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