Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
