I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
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