had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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