so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize